A reason to exist
by EllyBop
Summary: My interpretation of Carlisle and Esme's back story. There is too little of them in the books and films so i'm just filling in the blanks based on what Stephanie gave us. This is how they fall in love, enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:

Twilight and all characters included belong to Stephanie Meyer, I own nothing at all. I am merely a muse filling in the blanks to a story she shouldn't have missed out.

Esme was my soul. My whole purpose of being. The life of my existence. My world revolved around her. A fateful meeting in 1911 embedded her into my mind and since that day forward her entire entity has consumed my every thought.

**1921**

Carlisle POV

Edward had bade me farewell that evening just as he would any other day. I had headed to the hospital with the intention of giving my working notice, we could not stay in Ashland any longer, it was a wonder why no one was questioning my age or unchanging physical appearance at all. We couldn't afford to risk it any further.

I arrived at the hospital at my normal time, fifteen minutes before my shift was due to start and so with plenty of time I headed off to find the ward manager. His scent still lingered in the air so it wasn't difficult to track where he would be. I wasn't much paying attention to where I was walking, just letting my senses guide me. The slight flutter of a heartbeat did not seem abnormal to me, it was a hospital after all, weak heartbeats were something that could not be avoided. It was only when I glanced at the sign on a passing door did I realise where I was; 'Morgue'. A quick glance around told me there were no other humans in my vicinity, there were no treating rooms or wards near the morgue at all. Strange. Quick as a flash I opened the door, met by the sight of a dozen or so bodies wrapped in black bags. My ears guided me to the one with the fluttering heartbeat. I read the tag attached to it 'Jane Doe. Dead on arrival. Presumed suicide.' I cursed aloud, had no one bother to even check her for a heartbeat. I ripped the bag open, planning anything possible to save the fragile human life lying inside. The body of the woman inside was unpleasant, bones poked out at strange angles her face was scratched and bloody as was every other part of her body. I allowed the scent of her blood to wash over me. I had smelt it before.

A memory flashed through me, one of ten years ago, a bright laughing face of a sixteen year old girl. So care free. So relaxed. She didn't care for her broken leg and her constant blushing and giggling whenever I spoke to her told me that she was more interested in myself than herself. Something I was not unfamiliar with, and something that I had learned to tolerate no matter how uncomfortable it made me. With her it had been different, I had not minded her attention, in fact I had craved it, in those few hours I had treated her she had managed to captivate my entire mind. Her laugh, her beauty, her personality, every little detail about her had stuck in my mind for ten years after. It couldn't be.

My eyes roamed her face, trying to see beneath the blood, beneath the bruising. Her face was a little fuller than before, hair a little darker, but it was her. There was no doubt about it, none at all. I knew in that moment I had to do whatever was possible to not let this lady slip away from me again. I pricked my ears, listening for signs of human life around me, there was none. I threw a sheet over her body and picked her up, easily into my arms. Getting out of the hospital unseen had been easier than I had thought it would be, I crept back to the floor above and managed to escape through an open window and onto a nearby rooftop. I was home within seconds, Edward was waiting outside when I got there.

"Don't" was all he said

"What other choice do I have Edward?" I said "She's beyond medical assistance!"

"Then let her die" he said quietly "Its what she wanted!"

I had laid her down on my bed, the beating of her heart was getting, if possible. even slower. I knew I didn't have long if I was going to save her. Could I do this, for my own selfish reasons.

The note said presumed suicide, Edward was right, she didn't want to be alive. Could I condemn her to an eternity of life? I looked at her face, I remembered the blush in her cheeks from that very first time, I remembered the way she had said my name, like velvet pouring from her mouth. What would I give to see life behind those eyes again? The answer. I would have given anything, anything at all.

I swept a strand of hair back from her neck, _leave _I thought looking straight at Edward. He did shutting the door behind him. Quick as a flash I sunk my teeth deep into the vein on her neck. Her blood pooled into my mouth, so sweet, so much better than I had imagined. Nothing would ever compare to the taste of it. I didn't have to stop, she had lost so much blood already, it wouldn't make a difference. Her screams pulled those thoughts from me, agonizing, painstaking, hellish. I pulled myself away panting, breathing in the fresh, clean air before leaning down and penetrating her skin once more. Her screams never stopped and she writhed beneath me, I stroked down the length of her cheek before my hand pulled at the sheet beneath me. I pulled away once more, each of her screams slightly worse than the last. What had I done?


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much for the couple of reviews I received for the first chapter :)

Awakening

Carlisle POV

The next three days were unbearable. The screams died down after the first night, but that didn't stop the whimpers and moans that came from her. I had tried my best to clean her the best I could, with a fresh wash cloth and cold soapy water, the dried blood washed away. And as my venom continued to spread through her vessels, the deep scratches and cuts, one by one started to heal. Her skin was pure porcelain, not a single imperfection remained.

I still couldn't quite believe what I had done. Edward was right, she had tried to take her own life, why would she want this second chance life I had given her. She was going to hate me. And who said she would even remember me, human memory was fallible at the best of times. An encounter with a doctor ten years ago would not have stuck in her mind. I fell back into the nearest chair and rested my head in my hands. _You're a selfish man Carlisle Cullen _I muttered to myself.

It was then I realised the rate in which her heart was beating, it was soaring, rapidly flying towards its last beat. It stopped. Her eyes flicked open. I rose from my chair as she sat up on the bed. Our eyes met in a flurry.

"You!" she whispered her hand flying to her mouth

"Yes" I replied "I'm so sor-" she cut me off before I could finish speaking

"Hell! I was sure I was going to hell, god doesn't forgive taking ones own life, that's what I did, I jumped. My own life gone. The burning, the fire in my veins, its hell I know it is. But you, why are you in my hell? My heaven I would understand, but not in my own hell." she stopped talking her eyes scanned the room, looked down her own body looked at me, she really focused on me.

I walked to her side and crouched so we were eye level "This isn't hell, Miss Platt" I said gently

"So then it is heaven" she smiled and then her face saddened "My baby" she whispered "Where is he, why isn't he here, if this is heaven he should be here with me. Its not heaven without my baby. And the fire, the burning, its in my throat, it only burns in hell. You're lying to me Doctor" Her hand cupped her throat

"I'm so sorry! This is neither, heaven nor hell. You are not dead like you believe to be, yet you are not alive as you know. Your heart no longer beats, but you are still free to roam the earth. I couldn't let you die. I'm sorry" I whispered I looked away from her, how could I have done this to her. I was a monster, one of the worst.

"What happened?" she asked timidly "My heart doesn't beat, yet I'm not dead, what am I?"

My eyes met hers again, as if there was some kind of force keeping them locked together.

"A creature of myth, legend. Our hearts don't beat, blood doesn't run in our veins we are ageless, frozen at the age we are transformed, never changing, never getting older. " Her face was motionless,

"No" she whispered "It cannot be. This is hell. And you are wrong"

"You have to believe me, this isn't hell, though sometimes this lifestyle can seem so." I said softly. I had made a mistake, she could never accept this, and I could never take back what I had done to her. I should have listened to Edward.

"Explain it to me, in detail, I want to know everything" she said, keeping her eyes boring into my own. How could I begin to explain what I had done to her. I couldn't face it. I wanted to run far far away and never look back. _Coward _I thought to myself _You've chosen your actions now live with the consequences. _

I leant back in my chair and sighed. I tried to make it brief, I knew she would need to hunt, her hand never left her throat, seemingly trying to soothe the fire that was burning inside of her. I told her about myself, how I had came to exist like this, I told her about Edward, about our lifestyle, how we chose to be different from others of our kind. All the while I never stopped looking at her face, her expression was indifferent, she was trying not to let any emotion show. She was good. She accepted what I told her as the truth and she accepted without any hesitancy. That was more than what I could have asked for.

"What happens now" she asked once I had finished my tale

"Now, you need to hunt" I said

"How will I do that, I don't know what to do, it all sounds so morbid" she muttered. She was worrying, that much I could tell.

"You will be fine, once we are out there in the woods your instincts will take over, suddenly what you need to do will become very clear. I of course will come with you, that is, if you want me to?" I asked. Was I frightened of her rejection? Every ounce of my body was willing for her to say that of course she wanted me to come. I didn't know what I would do if she said no.

"No, I of course would like for you to come with me, I wouldn't know where to start on my own"

"Of course" I smiled at her, and she returned it. Perfect. Beautiful. I had never seen anything quite like it in all of my years. Her smile seemed to make everything that had once seemed so dull come right back into focus. A reason for my existence. After all these years.


	3. Chapter 3

**Carlisle POV**

Esme changed before we left the house, her idea, not mine. I had sent Edward to the local store to pick up some clothes for her. She met me outside in a light pink calf length dress.

"Its not cold" she stated "It should be cold"

"Another fact to what we are. We simply just don't feel the cold, imagine your body to be made of marble, always cold and rock solid." I replied "How were the clothes?"

"They are fine, some dresses are really rather beautiful, I didn't know what to choose. I don't want to ruin any" she smiled.

"I shouldn't worry about that. This is your first hunt, there is no doubt that this dress you have on now will be tatters by the end of it"

"Oh" she grimaced

"Ready" I asked her

She nodded once and I smirked before sprinting into the forest. I had explained to her how fast we were, how strong she would be, how indestructible we were and how we would never tire from any kind of physical activity. The thing that had surprised her most was the fact that we didn't need to sleep.

"At all, ever!" she had asked gob-smacked

"No never, we cant, its impossible for us to sleep, we could close our eyes for eight hours, but sleep, no. We just cant" I had replied

She caught up with me easily in the forest and we jogged in companionable silence until I caught the scent of a nearby heard of deer. I came to a stop, she followed my lead. Use your senses I told her. I hung back as I watched her inner animal take over, her face whipped around to the direction of the deer. And she was gone in a flash. I followed slowly behind not wanting for her to feel threatened by myself and watched her take down the first deer. There was a cracking of bones as the deer's neck shattered beneath her, she didn't notice as she sunk her teeth deep into the side of its neck. It was drained in seconds, its limp body laying still on the floor.

"More" she muttered. Blood dripped from her mouth and down her chin dropping onto her dress, red blots weaved their way through the fabric seeping into the contours. "I need more" I watched silently as she did it all over again, and again and again. Waiting until she seemed fully satisfied.

"It stops the fire when I'm drinking from them" she said, she seemed disgusted in herself

"I know, but it wont always feel like this" I promised her

"I feel like I need more, I feel like an animal, is this normal?"

"Completely normal, newborns like yourself are driven by the very thought of blood, after a few months it wont drive you so mad, I promise!"

She nodded

"Here" I said taking off my jacket and offering it to her, her dress was shredded and the tatters that remained were blood stained and muddy.

"Thank you" She said wrapping it tightly around her body.

Our walk back to the house was mostly silent, Esme would pipe up occasionally with another question, making me laugh a little too loud when she asked if a wooden steak to the heart would kill us.

"Will Edward be there when we get back?" she asked looking slightly worried

"I'm not too sure, I think he is probably trying to give you some space so you can get quite comfortable with yourself before he introduces himself" she still looked tentative "There's nothing to worry about" I assured her "He's a perfect gentleman"

She smiled again and then stopped suddenly, sadness slowly etching onto her face. She didn't say another word until we arrived back at the house.

"Do you mind if I just sit in my room a while Doctor Cullen" she asked shyly

"Of course, take as much time as you need, I know you've had a lot to take in. And please I told you, it's Carlisle"

"Thank you" she smiled and then slowly added a breathy "Carlisle"

I watched her disappear into her room and then slowly made my back down into the living room to see Edward perched lightly on the one of the armchairs. I hoped she was, she hadn't really given away any of her feelings, she hadn't told me how she felt about this whole change. I could only hope she didn't hate me, and could eventually learn to forgive me for the life I had given her.

"She doesn't hate you, Carlisle" Edward said

"How can she not hate me after what I have done to her?" I asked pained, I sat down in one of the free chairs and rubbed my head.

"She remembers you" he replied "Its hazy, but she definitely remembers you, in fact in those ten years since you first met she has tried extremely hard not to forget you."

"Well that certainly shocks me!" I said "I would never have thought it, human memory is so fragile that if if she had a slight inkling I existed, I never imagined she would remember after the change"

"But it wasn't just a slight inkling, Carlisle, she couldn't quite remember the exact way you looked, but she never forgot the way she felt about you-" he suddenly stopped talking and looked up at the room above "Oh" he whispered

"What is it, is she aright?" I asked jumping to my feet and making for the door

"She's fine Carlisle, but her thoughts are quite dark, terrible things happened to her after she met you" Edward grimaced and shook his head

"Things like what?" I asked

"That's not for me to say" he said standing up "I think I'll go and hunt now you are back"

Edward left and I remained with my thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to those who have reviewed or Favorited/followed the story, it means so much to me :)**

**Esme pov**

Ten years ago I fell from a tree and broke my leg. My mother had scolded me for not acting ladylike. My father had agreed; _Esme, how will you ever find yourself a husband with all of this childish behaviour, its time you grew up _he had said to me. I didn't want to grow up and I certainly did not want to marry. My friends had already been married off, I didn't want to be a housewife just quite yet. Some of them had told me that marriage was not all roses, and that perfect men were not all that they seemed. That alone had seemed ominous enough to put me off marriage for a further few years.

The hospital, a relatively new building on the outskirts of town, had seemed a place full of misery and despair since the moment I had stepped inside. And the harsh antiseptic smell did nothing but make me sneeze. I remember sitting in the waiting room, my mother ignoring me, her pursed lips, showing just how disappointed she was with me, and my father, his constant frown and occasional shake of his head was no better.

It was a relief to be called through to see the Doctor. My parents leading the way, while I hobbled along behind, trying not to put any weight on my bad leg. I was cursing heavily under my breath about how none of them had bothered to help me walk along. I laughed lightly to myself about what they would say if they could hear some of the words I was using, they were definitely not lady-like!

I hopped up onto the bed like the nurse instructed and waited in silence for the doctor. The man that entered the room was like nothing I had expected. My normal doctor, was about 90 years old, had a mangled mess of grey hair, eyebrows and moustache so thick you could barely see his eyes or mouth. This man, Doctor, had the lightest blond hair you could imagine, hair that had reminded me of drops of pure sunlight. His face was beyond perfection, perfectly chiselled jawline, straight nose and beautiful lips. And the were smiling the most heavenly of smiles. I realised my mouth had been hanging open and quickly closed it, trying hard to suppress a giggle.

"Miss Platt" he greeted me formally and then acknowledged my parents "I'm Doctor Cullen, I'll be your temporary Doctor while Doctor Moore is on sick leave."

I couldn't stop staring at him. None of the men in town could even start to compare to this man. How on earth could I settle for marrying any of those now I had seen this Doctor! I could imagine myself standing next to _him _at the altar, white veil and billowing dress, how perfect would that be!

"Miss Platt" He interrupted my daydreaming and I burst into a fit of giggles "I was just saying that your x-rays have shown a break in two places, I'll cast it, but I'm afraid they'll be no more tree climbing for a while!" He smiled again and I swooned giggling happily. I had never seen someone so perfect. He hadn't sounded like he was chiding me for climbing trees in fact he had seemed mildly amused by the whole situation, maybe I could just about be lady enough for him.

Suddenly his hands were on my bare leg, electricity jolted through me like desire, I blushed as they lightly danced along my calf, feeling for the breaks. They swirled across my knees and up to my thigh, where the second fracture lay. His hands grazed a certain spot right above my knee, I was slightly more sensitive than normal and an outburst of laughter escaped from my mouth.

"I'm extremely ticklish" I explained blushing staring up at him from under my lashes

"Esme Platt!" My Fathers voice boomed through the room, I had completely forgotten that my Mother and Father were in the same room. For all I cared it was just me and him, no one else in the world existed in that moment. "Think about the way you are acting, you're being utterly absurd, an embarrassment to yourself, let alone this poor Doctor, trying to treat you, while you are acting like an immature child yet again! Will you ever learn to grow up!" he shouted at me

I bowed my head down and muttered an apology. I wasn't sorry, not at all. I snuck a glance at the Doctor, he was facing away from my parents and was grinning from ear to ear, he shot a wink my way.

"I think you're charming" he whispered. I knew he was only trying to cheer me up, but I was soaring. While he moulded the cast to my leg, I got lost in fantasies of me and him, I was being silly, I know that. He would have been much to old for me, not that he had looked it. But even though he had winked at me, I knew there was no way he would ever look at someone like me in that way at all, I was plain, completely average. Girls my age were busty and blonde. I was not busty, and definitely not blonde. I absolutely certain he had a wife and I imagined her to be just as beautiful, just as pure, as he was.

I imagined he would leave her, come and find me at home and whisk me away somewhere, somewhere that we could be together. My heart was beating erratically, so loudly I was sure he would be able to hear it. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't dare say anything while my parents were eyeing me, still, with their disapproving eyes.

All to soon he was finished and I was free to go home. I didn't want to leave him. I felt like I could have stayed in his company forever.

He bade me farewell, our parting handshake sending shivers down my spine.

"I'll see you in six weeks for your consultation" he said "Try not to do anything else reckless, I don't want to have be fixing you up again."

My parents started to leave thanking him for his work and I followed slowly behind, my crutches hindering me, and every few steps I had to turn back around to look at him again. My heart sunk when we left the hospital, and I began counting down the days to my next appointment with him.

Little did I know, back then, he would not see me at that appointment I was back with my old doctor. I was upset, more upset than I should have been, I know I had got too involved with my fantasies, believing that they would come true. That the next time I saw him, he would say something and give himself away, he would admit he was agonized over how he felt about me. We would sneak away and I have the wedding my parents always dreamed I would have. But he didn't show and I was left, left every night, to dream about that blonde haired angel who would always remain just out of reach.

How was I to know that now, today, I sit opposite that very man. As though a day hadn't passed in his world, yet hundreds had passed in mine. Hundreds of miserable days I had spent wishing I was anywhere else. Wishing that he would find me again, reassure me that I hadn't dreamt it all, a tiny figment of my imagination was the truth. And now he had, eventually he found me, before it was too late, though only just. I realised that my memory hadn't done him any justice at all, he was far more impeccable. He was more than beautiful, more than handsome, neither of those words could hold a candle to him, pure perfection, an image of God himself.

I stared deep into his eyes, getting lost in their golden pools, wondering why on earth someone like him would ever remember someone like me.


End file.
